I’m cleaning out my stuff. Partially because of time at home due to the pandemic. Partially because I am simplifying my life. Partially because I’m getting old and want to take care of it now while I have the energy.
As a result, I recently came across this matching stationery.
I really enjoyed writing letters back in the day. I had a weak spot for pretty stationery. I probably spent a small fortune on it and would find little stationery stores in any city to window shop.
Letter writing is almost obsolete in an age of technology. Handwritten communication now carries an extra measure of love for the recipient, especially when a letter comes in snail mail. The writer’s voice, handwriting, time, and affirmation are carried in that note or letter. So personal. Something to hold that doesn’t vaporize as new emails and texts pile on top.
This matching letter paper and envelope, above, represents a by-gone era. Letters were so welcome between friends and me during our summer camp and college years, and then between my parents and me when I moved away from home as a young adult. Soon mobile phones and personal computers shoved those activities aside.
Newer generations won’t have as much of this. I am thankful for the artists, like Erin Vaughan, still creating beauty, like the notepads below. Writing on pretty papers is still something many of us enjoy.
We have more conveniences and less time. Someone explain that to me. I do have less time to write letters. If I spent less time on social media and wrote a quick letter or note instead, I wonder if I could spread a little more love. And my stress level might decrease, too.
The third component of my quieter, more reflective July 4th pertains to the recent words of our President. I felt sad and disappointed by the speech he gave at Mt. Rushmore on July 3rd. His words were divisive, harsh, and felt too partisan for the context of the evening. That was painful and will not be without consequences. I grieve the many ways on how divided our country is currently. The chasm is growing and dangerous. Leaders have the responsibility to heal, not hurt.
My favorite 4th of July t-shirt
National pride is complicated, layered. Patriotism can be expressed in many ways. I am so glad to be an American, so grateful to live here, to experience this historically young federal republic. But I lament for the broken, bruised, and bleeding flaws, too. For the systemic injustices we have yet to overcome. We have more compassionate and wise work to do.
The second component that impacted my celebration of Independence Day 2020 relates to my continued choice to respond thoughtfully to the recent social unrest regarding racial injustice. I am listening and learning as stories are shared by the black community. On the weekend of the 4th of July, the historic speech given by Frederick Douglas came to my attention again and in many formats. I was reminded of some harsh truth. That speech impacted me, and I thought more deeply about the experience of others this year. Here is a video of one of the best recitations of that important speech that I saw or read this past weekend.
I lament the power and wealth disparity in our nation that I believe feeds on the suppression of certain groups. I will take steps to change that in the days to come. But for this July 4th, I sat quietly at times, to honor others and their stories.
The 4th of July, traditionally, is one of my two favorite holidays. Here are some of the reasons:
Time off work
Great food
Time outdoors
Fun with family and/or friends
Community traditions: local fireworks shows, concerts in the park, parades, “taste of” events.
No shopping for presents and busting the budget
Decorations are minimal – easy to put up, remove, and store.
We often have a lazy schedule, waking up without an alarm.
It lasts a couple days, not a couple months.
It is not a three-month retail event.
The red, white, and blue theme are so summery.
This Fourth of July was quite different for me.
This year was a much quieter, more subdued event due to three current events. Maybe yours felt different, too. Between the cautions of the pandemic, my greater awareness of what the 4th of July means to Americans with a different experience, and a speech given, I wasn’t sure what the 4th would look like for us, but I knew it would be different.
First, we are in the middle of a pandemic. I felt sad because this holiday would be different due to the “safe at home” order we are following here in California. But I didn’t know exactly how that would work out. We chose to stay home and celebrate with just the two of us. We did not gather with family or friends, share a great holiday meal with a crowd of loved ones, go to the beach, or watch a fireworks event. We spent the day similar to every day for the last 110 plus days. At home. Simple living.
Though bright, sunny, and hot outside, it was clouded for me emotionally. I realized that was OK. I was happy to celebrate the 4th of July, but it was a most unusual set of circumstances this year. It will continue to be one of my favorite holidays, but now with the hope to do better for all people who call the USA home. We will always make the most of it.
This is a political post. I am defining politics, in this context, as the system a society uses to set governing principles and policies that help our nation of many people get along, use resources, and live our corporate values. For those of you who don’t like political posts, this will continue as a lifestyle blog on another day. However, I need to make some clear statements in this difficult and troubling time.
I want to first acknowledge that I am not confident in the statistics that we have been given. That is troubling. News reports had shared that slightly over 2,000 children are separated from families. Then, later this week, that count was updated to 3,000. That is upsetting for several reasons: 1) another 1,000 children are separated, 2) we cannot get accurate information, and 3) we are limited in knowing who and what we can trust.
Secondly, I have written (emailed) and called The White House, the Department of Justice, my two state senators, and my congresswoman. I have donated to World Relief, an organization I trust to care for immigrants, offer law-abiding compassionate immigration services, and to advocate for these marginalized brothers and sister. I still feel frustrated with my inability to impact change and to help.
No news in this next statement. We have a big problem here. Over 3,000 children are separated from family members. We have been told some parents have already been deported without their children. We have been told some children have been deported without parents. This is crazy and painful and wrong on so many horrific layers.
From the Lens of My Profession
I am a retired educator, still credentialed in California and a mandated reporter. A mandated reporter is legally required to report any suspicion of child abuse or neglect to the relevant authorities for children encountered in my professional duties and care.
I suspect that separating children from parents qualifies as neglect. We know children are not getting the level of care and nurturing that children need developmentally. Is that not neglect? This would be unacceptable in the world of education, and I’d have to report it. It definitely has been reported. Action to investigate and correct the situation is happening. Is it? Accountability seems to be in place. Is it? One deadline expires today. We will watch and see what happens.
Some of the little ones don’t even know the name of their parent, beyond their chosen term for mother or father. Some infants do not have language to speak the identity of their parents. Even with the best-intentions, even if the child detention facility was highly-equipped, I find this tragically unfortunate and damaging to children. Not to mention the parents unable to even contact their children. It is an overwhelming mess.
From the Lens of a Manager
Even in the best case scenario where workers assigned to these children are compassionate, emotionally intelligent care givers, they must be overwhelmed by the number of children assigned to them and the level of need. If I was an employer or manager in these facilities, I would be so upset for my staff. There is often a language barrier. Resources and support are severely limited. Training has to be minimal. At any typical recess setting on the playground, there is rarely enough staff to do more than supervise for physical safety. This must even be worse.
Holding children in groups in a system not set up for this makes me so sad for these workers, the conscientious ones who need their jobs. This is not a summer camp set up to house and care for children in established, child-center, age appropriate programming until parents pick them up on Saturday. My heart breaks for the good workers trying to obey orders, yet sickened by the situation. Where is the leadership to support them in a healthy work environment that does not ask them to compromise what they know to be right? I pray they can feel compassion and see they make a difference in the lives of children each day.
I’ve heard the authorities are struggling to match parents and kids to reunite them. I cannot begin to fathom the daunting task this is, and it is taking too long. I cannot imagine how my heart would ache if I had a job at one of these facilities and could not get this situation resolved. Thousands of lives of employees and families as well as immigrant families will never be the same, and we will be picking up the pieces for decades. This is a colossal mess, creating a level of chaos that is inexcusable. Yet leadership has not been called to account yet, at least from what I have seen and heard. I feel helpless and annoyed.
From the Lens of Problem Solving
Who was in the room when it was decided to separate children from parents? Even with that being such a bad decision, who let that roll out without the administrative structure to set it up, implement it well, support the workers, and remedy when time to reunite? In other organizations, debacles like this would lead to firing of key organization leaders. Speedy resolution would be visible. Who was in the room when the decision was made to move children to other states? Or move the parents to other states? This is our government. I am in shock.
I can’t even begin to get into the costs involved. Some businesses are even profiting from this situation. I understand the lawful rights to ask for asylum that are being denied and violated. I have some insight into how our foreign policy has negatively impacted certain countries, creating the need to migrate. I resent our drug culture that continues to provide a market for drug cartels. That all feels complicated, and makes me sick to my stomach. It just feels harsh and evil.
Did we not learn from Japanese internment camps? Is it unclear that this kind of behavior makes other countries despise our policies and laugh at our leaders? There are ways to protect and defend the border, create a compassionate, reasonable, lawful pathway to citizenship, and keep families together. Stop blaming political parties. Stop misleading and misinformed information, like immigrants will flood the country. That is not accurate. Or “they” just want open borders. Very few people want open borders.
There are experts on these immigration issues in our country. Get those people in the room. Return kids to families. And let’s continue to work sensibly to address the complicated issues of legal immigration with dignity, reflecting our values as a nation. Let’s consider the Golden Rule I was taught and recited in elementary school, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Be kind.
Will there be a rainbow after this storm? I continue to lament the situation, and pray for hope and healthy, speedy resolution.
This past Saturday started with a protest march and ended with a first birthday party for my great-niece. The day crossed both ends of the spectrum. A sense of death and mourning for lives lost in violent shootings. A breath of life and hope in celebration of the growth of a beloved child. The contrast was fierce.
My friend invited me to go to one of the local March for Our Lives events to protest gun violence in schools. She made signs for us and headed to a Huntington Beach park. From there, hundreds of people, all ages and stages, walked along Main Street to City Hall. At city hall, high school students gave moving speeches. We were part of an international protest on this day.
We should not be in this place. All students are entitled to a free education – free from fear of being shot. We have got to do more to address this issue. I felt vulnerable just being out in the open in a crowd. I don’t have the answer, but I had to do something. So we marched.
She survived the Vegas Shooting.
After the march, I attended the fun and lighthearted birthday party of my great-niece. She turned one this past week and we celebrated with family on Saturday afternoon. She’s been with us for twelve months. Twelve precious months. I really enjoyed watching her enjoy her cake. As she sorts out the world and continues to learn and grow, I pray schools are safer by the time she is old enough for school.
My other great-niece was at the party, visiting on her spring break from Northern California. She is fifteen and a sophomore in high school. I desperately want safe schools for her, too. Not only that, I want both these girls to grow up in a world where all men they meet learn to show respect for them, and to honor them in word and deed. I pray for their protection from risky relationships.
I pray one day the world is a better place for all to live. We can do better. We have to do better. For all the girls. For all the children. We’ve got work to do.
Stay charming, my friends! We can make a difference.
Sitting in a Starbucks this weekend, I couldn’t help but think about how coffee and it’s role in our society has changed in my lifetime. I have vivid childhood memories of my grandparents sipping Sanka. Sanka seemed to be the big deal when it came to coffee. Do you remember Sanka? What are your early memories of coffee?
Black coffee was so popular. Perhaps people added cream and sugar. Most children did not drink coffee. I wasn’t permitted to have coffee as a child. Or I remember it as a rare moment, as I got older, mixed with milk and sugar. It tasted almost like melted coffee ice cream. For children, the caffeine may have been undesirable, but the taste was awful to me, too. My generation did not ride along with our moms on a “drive thru” coffee run when we were growing up.
I don’t even think I realized decaf was a thing as a child. But I do now! A caffeinated beverage past 2:00pm and I’ll be wide awake at some point during my typical sleep cycle. As I’ve gotten older, I sometime feel jittery with more than a cup of regular coffee. Perhaps you can relate. Do you prefer regular or decaf?
And then there was Folgers. I looked up a commercial from back in the day with “Mrs. Olsen.” The commercial really reflects how societal roles and behaviors have shifted, as well as the coffee. On a side note, this reminded me of the gender roles and expectations within which our mothers managed to act.
I started drinking coffee in college. In fact, I discovered that coffee was helpful when studying all night and going to classes in the morning. Did you have one of those aluminum plug-in desktop devices that heated a small amount of water in your dorm room? Perfect for making coffee, tea, or oatmeal servings for one.
Now, I’ve observed in my area that children know what “Starbucks” is by name and have a favorite drink. Nice brand marketing, Starbucks! They have built the next generation of clients. Perhaps they’ll associate Starbucks with happy memories of times with a parent.
Even coffee options have changed. Basically, during my youth, our options were:
Regular
Decaf
Instant
Brewed
No wonder there is often a line at Starbucks, with endless drink options including:
Cold brew
Latte
Cappuccino
Frappuccino
Americano
Macchiato
Espresso
Mocha
Flat White
Sizes now bring more choices: Short, Tall, Grande, and Venti for Starbucks. Other coffee shops have different names. Customization options for a coffee drink include half and half cream, heavy cream, nonfat, 1%, 2%, whole milk, soy milk, almond milk, and coconut milk. Plus Equal, honey, Sugar in the Raw, Splenda, Stevia, sugar, Sweet ‘n Low, and a variety of sweet flavored syrups. Let’s not forget whip or no-whip.
Brewing methods are varied. Pour over, drip, cold brew, French press, percolator, Keurig K-cups, and more. But before you brew, pick a roast and a method of grinding beans. Endless choices.
Coffee shops are popping up and very popular places for meeting friends, working or reading alone, and working for many, including me. When I was a visiting teacher for homeschooling families, I would use Starbucks as my office when out traveling for the day. The bathrooms are decent, and grabbing a little table for workspace made it ideal to get some work done between appointments.
But Starbucks and other coffee shops are more than just coffee, breakfast items, and sandwiches. Starbucks has created an experience, including our names perhaps even spelled accurately on our cup. We walk in to a warm and inviting atmosphere, visually appealing. We smell coffee. We hear conversations, brewing devices, and music. We hold a cup of something and feel it’s warmth or chill. And we taste a beverage we have selected and customized with our desired flavors. Starbucks has created an experience that touches all our senses, making it personal and engaging.
Coffee remains central to American life, but it seems to play an even bigger role in 2017. For example, how far is it between Starbucks in your area? Do you feel happy when someone says to you, “Hey, I’m stopping at Starbucks. Do you want anything?” Coffee still symbolizes community in many respects, yet now in many public spaces, instead of the office, at church, at a restaurant, and in private homes as in the past with Mrs. Olsen.
Stay charming, friends!
Closing thought: I feel it is only right to close this week by taking a moment to remember and acknowledge the suffering in our world due to evil acts of violence and horrible natural disasters, and to pray for healing, peace, and recovery for those affected. It has been a difficult time. Please give to a worthy organization that can aid, if you have the ability. Thanks.
Wild Chin Hair 