Tag Archives: long-distance

Birthday Love Long Distance

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Long Distance Daughter – Part 2 (For Part 1: Click here.)

Here’s an idea for those with aging parents living far away or those who cannot have visitors currently. I know this can bring heartache and frustration. With the pandemic, circumstances beyond geography may limit how we share the love and care well for our parents. Here are two ideas that could encourage you to find a way to care creatively.

Back in January 2019, as my mom’s 95th birthday approached, I felt challenged by some of the limits placed on celebrating this milestone. If you have loved ones far away, you might identify.

  • My mom and I lived about 2,300 miles apart.
  • She had specifically instructed me that she did not want a party. I always try to obey and honor her.
  • I felt guilty that I was unable to travel to be with her.
  • I knew she did not want a gift that needed storage, display space, or dusting.
  • I felt societal expectations and pressure to do something big for her.
  • I felt internal pressure out of my love for her and desire to honor her.

A little idea came my way. I had no idea how it would work. I want to share it with you now, in case it inspires you to borrow and adapt it or it prompts new creative ideas for celebrating your long-distance loved ones. Here’s what I did:

  1. Created a postcard non-party invitation, using a resource, Vistaprint.
  2. Picked a design and color she would like.
  3. Added a photo of her as a young woman.
  4. Added the information announcing her birthday and no party.
  5. On the other side, some of my mom’s favorite activities were listed.
  6. Recipients were invited to select one activity to do in honor of my mom, to think of her in that, and to have fun!
  7. If they wished to let her know, they could do so. I provided her address at the bottom of the card.
The front of the card sent to her friends and family….

Next, on the reverse side, I…

  1. Listed some of my mom’s favorite activities
  2. Invited people to select an activity to do in honor of my mom.
  3. Included her address, in case they wished to let her know what they did in her honor and for greeting cards.
And the back with fun ways to honor her.

I was sneaky prior to this. On a previous visit, without her knowing, I’d taken photos of her address book to have names and addresses to mail the announcements. I addressed the envelopes, stamped them, and sent them on the way with a hope and a prayer prior to her birthday.

Here’s what happened:

  • She got many, many lovely cards from her beloved family and friends.
  • People wrote amazing messages and caring thoughts to her.
  • People did fun things in her honor and shared the stories with her.
  • Someone sent a gift card to the Olive Garden, with instructions for my brother to pick up tiramisu for her to enjoy.
One group, business associates, sent a photo seated in a room eating tiramisu.
  • Someone sent flowers.
  • The cards kept coming.
  • Someone sent her violets.

My mom was so touched by it all. She had the best time checking her mail. She was so amused by the whole idea. I never could have imagined the sweet impact this would have on her. She said to me, “I feel like my life really made a difference.” That still fills my heart with so much joy.

I had no idea how this would fill her heart with love on her ninety-fifth birthday. Needless to say, I was so happy. What started as a desperate attempt to celebrate a precious woman from far away, to ease my guilt of being a long-distance daughter, turned in to one of the most memorable things of her recent years. I was deeply touched as well.

Four months after that fun time, my mom passed away. I had the peace of mind that all those written tributes, words that might have been shared at a funeral, were shared at just the right time. She got to read them all. And over and over. Sometimes, even in situations where we feel so limited in what we can do, love breaks through at just the right time in the perfect way.

May 2018 (Mom at 94-years old)

By the way, she didn’t want a funeral either. We honored her request.

Stay creative in loving others, my friends.

P.S. Here is another idea that brings sweet joy, too. My friend made this amazing photo wreath for her mom’s recent 95th birthday. My friend is also a long-distance daughter with her dear mom living just under 2,000 miles away. I love this idea! Getting creative to show our love long-distance goes a long way.

Long-Distance Daughter – Part 1

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Leaving Home

I’m a long-distance daughter. I have lived away from my parents and hometown for over forty-four years. I know some of you are, too. It is a choice in life that comes with joys and consequences. I plan to have more posts on this topic, since many of us will connect with it. Down the road, I hope to include some friends and their wisdom as long-distance daughters, too.

If you are a long-distance daughter, how did your journey start? What advice would you share with others in a similar situation? I’d love to hear, so write a comment below.

In 1973, I left for college and moved eight hours by car and two states away. When I think back to my growing up years, spending a week or two at summer camp probably contributed to my independence and skills at making new places feel like home. But going away to college was the big first step.

Three State Map

My parents dropped me off at Wheaton College, just outside Chicago, Illinois, and headed back to northeast Ohio. I was a freshman, eighteen years old, and ready to explore a sociology major and life away from home. I wasn’t so sure this was a good idea in the moment, suffering from a short-lived bout of “Freshman fright” (I made that term up) or cold feet. No mobile phones. Only once-a-week long distance calls on Sunday because the rates were lower. What was I going to do? Adjust and enjoy. And I did.

My parents bravely said good-bye, drove away, and I commenced college. I launched my lifetime as a long-distance daughter. I learned the adjustment was harder for them than me, though they enjoyed hearing about my adventures and watching me spread my wings. They were generous with me and so supportive to make that opportunity happen. My mom still says every once in a while, “If I’d known you would never move back home, I wouldn’t have let you go away to college.”  Parents raise independent kids, and that’s a good thing. Then those independent kids leave home, and that hurts. One of life’s ironies.

WheatonCollege

Wheaton College – Blanchard Hall

My first return home was that Thanksgiving, a great time to reconnect with family, and having an opportunity to be back after the first experiences of dorm and college life. What a great time! I brought a friend with me. She lived in New Jersey and wasn’t going all that way for the holiday. It was an enjoyable long weekend at our house, blending both worlds – hometown and college. It was, and still is, so hard to say goodbye.

Turkey dinner

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.

Now it is 2017, and the week of Thanksgiving once again. My husband and I are headed to my hometown to be with my side of the family for another meaningful time with turkey and the trimmings. They don’t fly to join us for holidays any longer, so it is our privilege to travel and be together. I still get such a happy feeling to travel home for a visit, and Thanksgiving is one of my favorite occasions.

Returning to my hometown always centers me, gives me a sense of my roots. I love my hometown in the Midwest. It is a city of about 250,000 and has many advantages of a big city with the more relaxed pace of a smaller town. I catch my breath, see familiar sights and many newer ones, and connect again with loved ones. Often the weather brings a rainfall, thunderstorm, or even snowfall. I love any of that! Living in Southern California, I tire of sunshine, so any variety in the weather is a welcome change. Beyond all that, I see my family and spend time with them to stay close across the miles.

home mugCalifornia & Ohio Mug

One of the realities of living far from home and family of origin is the understanding that we must make it a priority to get home now and then, spend the money, board the flight, block out the time, get a dog sitter, pack for time away, and go. It’s part of the deal. I understand that. One of the other realities of living far from home is the excitement of going home to visit loved ones, familiar places, and growing-up memories. I don’t take those for granted. One of the many mixed blessings of this long-distance daughter.

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you! Enjoy time with family, if you do get together.

Stay charming, my friends!