Tag Archives: aging

Caring for Our Parents

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I wrote Long Distance Daughter, Part 1 in November 2017. This post continues that thread.

Years ago, I began stepping in more regularly to help my 95-year old mom with responsibilities. This relieved some of her stress and helped her enjoy life more. It was the wise thing to do at that point, and the timing proved providential. She lived a great life of mental sharpness and was always organized. It was impressive and I admired her. That did become more of a challenge by the time she was 95, and we wanted to do whatever we could to support her, make her days easier and safe.

Love looks different as your parents’ age. Wouldn’t you agree, if you are in that season? My mom slowly began to struggle with everyday things that she formerly handled like a champ. She became overwhelmed easier. And frustrated. Technology moved fast and that began to leave her behind, too. She was grateful for the help, and that made this a pleasant transition.

As anyone ages, the world seems to shrink. The capability to care for oneself seems to shift. Activities that were once fun may not be as fun anymore. New activities need to be found. Independent living skills may decline, and that can leave folks frustrated, angry, and perhaps afraid as they give up the control they once managed so well. It takes courage to reinvent daily routines and to find daily joys that are still good options.

Like many of us, we live far away from our loved ones. I lived over 2,000 miles from my mom. Thankfully, getting mail forwarded, setting up online paperless billing and accounts, having her trust in me, and having power of attorney made this much easier. But it was more demanding than I anticipated. Plus, I worked full-time in the Pacific Time Zone. I know some of you can relate.

Thankfully, my brother lived near to her. He was stellar at getting her here and there, from doctor’s appointments, haircuts, to Trader Joe’s and home again. He also provided company through visits and outings. He managed her computer questions, too.

I entered into a steep learning curve, adding duties to my busy schedule, making and getting phone calls during East Coast business hours when I’m barely out of bed in the morning, and updating account paperwork and online setups. Not to mention the emotions involved. My spare time evaporated. These new responsibilities took time and energy. It was my turn to care for her and I was blessed to have the opportunity.

Remember to get the Power of Attorney papers completed and in order for your parents – financial and medical. Do not procrastinate.

It was such a privilege to care for her in this way, but it was a challenge. As a mom, and a good mom, she never wanted to be a bother. Understandably, it was hard for her to let go of duties when it was time. It was never a bother to me. It was love in action, returning all the love she provided for me growing up. We wanted to grant her dignity and confidence that things would work out because we were a team. We were happy to help.

My mom gave us such a great gift when she and my dad were able to move into an independent senior living community years before this. This provided us so much peace of mind over the years. Knowing she had three meals prepared daily, friends to eat with at meals, someone to make the bed and do light cleaning, transportation to appointments when my brother was unavailable, and more. When her area got snowed in, I knew that she’d be safe inside the community. I am so grateful she and my father had that opportunity, especially with me living far away.

For those of you walking with family members in the sunset years, you are not alone. So many understand. There are so many variables to doing this well. There are many experts available with plenty of information on how to handle it all. I hope you can find all the support you need.

May we age sweetly, friends.

Capturing Stories from Life and the Week

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It has been an exceptionally busy work week, so this post shares a few quick thoughts on recent life. I hope something will be of interest  to you or something you can relate to as you read.

School Shooting

I am sickened that yet another tragic shooting has occurred. As a former classroom teacher, I would not agree to carry a weapon.

God help us.

Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

I want to recommend a tool to you, if you still have parents living and relationships you treasure. This past fall, a friend of mine shared that she’d used a book, Reflections from a Mother’s Heart, to capture some of her mom’s stories. I ordered the book from Amazon. I also got the similar book for fathers, A Father’s Legacy (now unavailable, sadly). I took both books home with me for an October 2017 visit with my parents. It prompted great conversation which unfolded stories of their lives, some of which were new to me.

Some parents complete the book on their own, but I used pages that appealed to launch the conversations and jotted down notes as they answered. I’m so grateful I did, for my father passed away a month later. His stories from that October weekend keep him close at heart.

Now, once a week, with my mom on the phone, I talk through some of the prompts in the book. She may not always have an answer, but the prompts always lead somewhere to great memories of her younger days. Those stories keep the young, vibrant woman clearly pictured, though now in her 90’s.

I’d discovered this book makes it easier and fun to continue to get to know my mom, and helps trigger memories from her past which honors her as a person who had a full life. Those are precious times. We live about 2,000 miles apart, but our friendship is strengthened through this book.

The great thing about these books is that they can be used with any older friend or family member that is important to you, whose legacy you want to keep. I do need to mention it has sections that are religious, so if that is not part of the life of your loved one, you can pass by those pages.

Winter Weather

The southern California weather has been typical this year. That means some hot summer days, and then some cool winter days. We’ve not had much rain this winter, which bothers many of us because we need that rain. However, in the areas ravaged by fires, no rain means no mudslides.

This week is particularly chilly. I have to laugh as I write that. I grew up in the Midwest and survived bitter cold. So now when the temperature is down in the 60’s, and I feel like I’m freezing, I know my blood has thinned. I’ve adapted to my California habitat. That temperature would feel like spring when I was living through winters in the Chicago area!

Last night, I checked the weather app on my phone and I could not believe my eyes. My town was the coldest, compared to Chicago and Akron – cities where I’ve lived in the past. Crazy! Hopefully you are not visiting in southern California this week to escape from the cold midwest.

temps 2018-2-20

The Olympics

My husband and I have spent some time recently watching the various events of the Winter Olympics. The sports capture our interest during these weeks. I just love the Olympic theme played so often during the NBC broadcast. Here’s an interesting little article on the theme and a silly video I found on the KUSC website. I wanted to share these if you are teaching a unit on the Olympics. Or maybe you are an Olympic fan, too.

The Olympic Theme Explained

Here is the silly rendition of the theme, described as “Shaun White and Michael Phelps play the Olympic Fanfare on melodicas. Get your melodica here at http://www.melodicamen.com.”

Stay warm and charming, my friends!

Going Through Luminescence

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I’ve decided to coin a term for my senior years. A positive one to counter the negative reputation our society places on aging. A word that would make me smile. I started to think back on how I survived adolescence in my teen years, just like everyone else. On the front end of life, we all experience adolescence. On the flip side of life, what should we call the experience? Adolescence was filled with adjustments, body changes, and learning to “adult,” as the recent saying goes.

Now I also find myself experiencing adjustments, body changes, and still learning to “adult.” It’s not adolescence. Been there done that. It’s something else. Let’s call this stage of life “luminescence.”

Wikipedia defines luminescence as “emission of light by a substance not resulting from heat.” Don’t you love that idea? We, as women growing older, can emit light to those around us. We can be positive and encouraging. We can look for good in life and in others. My hair is going gray. But let’s just say gray is the new silver, and silver shines.

So this age, this stage, can be an opportunity for emitting light around us, not resulting from heat, even though we may be having hot flashes along the way. Let’s be light in a challenging time, a challenging world. Luminescence. Now that sounds awesome!

Bioluminescence - National Aquarium

This is bio luminescence lighting up the dark water. Photo: National Aquarium

Stay charming and be light, my friends!

First Steps

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Purple Shoes in Leaves

It’s always so fun to witness a baby’s first wobbly steps. Today I take my first steps with this new blog, Wild Chin Hair, and embrace a bit of a wobble myself, stepping out to see where we go. Starting a blog, as if the world needs yet one more, comes with pressure to be beautiful, engaging, and beneficial. My readers will decide that for themselves along the way. Here we go! Welcome and hello!

My hope is that you find yourself comfortable here and stop by often, that Wild Chin Hair will be a blog where we connect on moments in the later seasons of life. If you are getting older and finding some challenges in that, you are in the right spot. We will explore living well in our later years in a culture that values youth and wrinkle-free faces. Thank you for visiting today.

I plan to post weekly and enhance the site along the way. You are invited to join me here again soon. Now I must be off to an appointment, and then my day job — a busy day. Does that sound like your schedule? What’s your day look like today? Whatever is in store for you today, have a good one!

And stay charming!