Tag Archives: Loss

Have a Resilient Christmas!

Posted on by

Christmas is around the corner with New Year’s Eve and 2021 just beyond that. How are you feeling today? Are you, like me, working to wrap your head around a pandemic Christmas? Are you looking at your 2021 calendar hoping for better days? I cannot believe we are still dealing with these restrictions, over nine months later.* Is pandemic fatigue or frustration fogging your season?

Heading into my 10th month….

I made a list of my favorite things about Christmas, the fun and meaningful ones. I assessed the list and realized most of my Christmas favorites can still be part of Christmas 2020. That was so encouraging and provided a good perspective. A few things were adapted in new ways. And just a couple were actually put on hold this year.

Perhaps you too have noticed how much is similar to past years. For instance, here’s a few:

  • Decorations inside and outside our home
  • Enjoying some of the same favorite holiday foods
  • Stockings are hung
  • Baking cookies
  • Pretty presents wrapped and ready for delivery
  • Holiday music playing
  • Steaming hot cocoa fills our mugs on cold evenings
  • Taking a drive after dark to see Christmas lights
  • Favorite Christmas movies and claymation stories entertain
  • Cards and letters are trickling in
  • Plenty of Hallmark movies with quaint snowy towns and holiday romance. Who ever tires of a happy ending?
Decorating at home has gotten simpler over time. The tiny tree is still a happy tree.
Favorite foods – I love Stouffer’s lasagna, especially at the holidays.
A lovely neighborhood home with gate decorated
More outdoor decorations in our area
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care.
Gifts wrapped and waiting to go.

And yet hovering over everything is the ominous CoVid19 cloud and all the challenges with that. It has taken the shine off this time of year for many, even if only slightly. It also brings a more intense sense of missing and longing for people and traditions, not part of this year. I have to acknowledge that for many of us this time is also littered with disappointment, stress, uncertainty, painful loss, and limited social life for those following guidelines. Those are weighty things for sure.

Sometimes this virus feels like a Grinch ready to steal Christmas. So much is so different. Yet we can choose to not let the pandemic ruin Christmas. I hope we can all find a centered place of contentment, reflecting on the good we have encountered this year. What can you find to enjoy? Who can we encourage? Maybe we can express thanks to any essential workers with whom our paths cross. Perhaps we can focus on what we have, what we hope for, instead of what is missing and has been lost. Then the Grinch virus will not ruin Christmas. It is about more than the fixings and the fuss.

From the TV special, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (1966)

I know some are so lonely and blue this Christmas because of cancelled plans and limited contact. My heart goes out to them. It is so hard to overcome in these circumstances. I pray those dear ones can find hope and joy in their holiday, too.

Here in Los Angeles County, we are on a stricter “Stay at Home” order through Christmas. For most years of my adult life, I’d be thrilled to be asked to stay at home for Christmas. But somehow this is not exactly what I meant.

We are having a very different December. Christmas celebrations for us won’t include the physical presence of family or friends beyond our CoVid home bubble. We choose to do what we can to slow the spread and to follow the county and state requests. That isn’t easy, but we feel like we want to contribute in that way.

I hope you and your loved ones are doing OK as you finish planning and preparations. I also hope you are kind to yourself this year, accepting what you cannot control, and enjoying what you can. Maybe if we just have a day without controversy, conspiracy, or conflict. That would be a good gift. And I hope you, like me, are able to enjoy a slower schedule.

In closing, I also want to wish happy holidays to all my friends who celebrate different traditions with family and friends. Perhaps you recently finished the meaningful time of Hanukkah. For those honoring Kwanzaa, you will begin soon and are probably already looking forward to the feast. As the different celebrations always remind us, we can get through this together.

Stay resilient, my friends! And merry Christmas to all celebrating the birth of Christ this week.

I toast to you and yours this Christmas with hot chocolate in hand. Cheers!

P.S. *Speaking of nine months of pandemic life, here come the babies! Perhaps you’ve noticed that we are heading into a little baby boom, and it’s underway now. New sweet little ones are making their way into the world, and we are cheered by that for sure!

Tears and Apologies

Posted on by

I’ve said it. I’ve heard it said in various settings. When someone cries in front of others, there is a tendency to apologize. “I’m sorry for crying.”

Can we stop apologizing? Tears are treasure. They are beautiful symbols that something important is going on inside. Why do we sometimes feel the need to apologize? I know it is uncomfortable, but I want to listen to what’s happening as signaled by tears. Mine or yours.

Perhaps, as women, we apologize because we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. We were often raised to make people happy. Or we don’t want to bring down the mood.

Perhaps we feel embarrassed because we want to appear to be in control of our emotions.

Perhaps, especially for my generation, we got the clear (gender biased) message that women are too emotional, and we won’t get ahead in our male-dominated careers.

Tears come when they want to, don’t they? For joy or in sadness. For a variety of reasons, related or maybe unrelated to the topic of conversation at just that moment. I like to say, “Cry when you need to cry. It is important. When your heart breaks, love leaks out in tears.” If it is tears of joy from a full heart, love leaks out.

When your heart is full of joy, it may also overflow in tears.

May we be safe people for those who need to cry to feel comfortable doing so.

May we be brave enough to let our own tears fall when they come, without embarrassment or apology, embracing our tender heart as we would a friend’s. Let tears bring release in the stress of a season. Let tears share the loss of a loved one or acknowledge a big disappointment. Whatever the reason, tears bring us closer to our authentic selves and one another.

May we all have people we feel safe enough to cry with. And when we cry in an uncomfortable moment, may we go with the flow. Pun intended. Let’s grant others and ourselves that kindness.

Crying deserves a shame free zone.

If someone is uncomfortable when you cry, that is not your responsibility. It could be because they care about you and don’t want you in any pain. It might be because it triggers something in them that brings up their own pain, which will be theirs to work through. It might be because they are insensitive, and again, that is for them to work out.

If someone starts to cry in conversation, be a safe space. None of us has to be cheery all the time. No one took that vow. Be real in what you feel. In this season of great disappointment and loss in a pandemic, we have even more times of tears. Grant grace.

Stay tender, my friends.

Welcome Back, Friends!

Posted on by

Long Time No See

I apologize for my absence. My last post is dated Tuesday, January 1, 2019, over one year ago. I disappeared to tend to other family matters. To my returning readers, thank you for your patience! To my new readers, welcome to Wild Chin Hair, where we are looking for growth in unexpected places.

Family Matters

My mom celebrated her ninety-fifth birthday in January 2019. Around that time, I became my sweet mom’s personal assistant, taking on her email, mail, and finances, including gathering papers for tax prep. As expected, that placed a demand on my time, plans, and adjusted priorities. It was a loving way to serve her as the business side of everyday life became complicated for her.

This new role also drained my creative energy, since it was stressful and felt like a part time job. Many of you know what I mean, since you’ve been through this or are in similar seasons right now. I needed to press pause on my weekly post. Now I’m back!

Good Grief

My mom was a great mom and caring friend to many, including me. She graciously left this world in the end of May 2019. Although a bittersweet good-bye and not unexpected, I could now trust her to Heaven and wholeness.

Our big yellow lab, Samson #2, also passed in the spring of 2019 on his fifteenth birthday. That was a tremendous loss. We’d shared a great life with him since he was six weeks old. So, again as many of you can relate to, grief moved in when others moved on.

Grief changes us. I suspect forever. For me, grief is an uninvited friend that both stays too long and brought the gifts of intimate lessons, resetting priorities, and a renewed sense of gratitude, depending on the day. A side effect not listed on the warning label is also the energy drain that impacted the creative part of my mind and heart.

Taking Care of Business

On the business end of loss, settling the will, updating information, contacting businesses she dealt with, and reaching out to her dear friends continued through summer and fall. It is almost all quiet now. I am grateful both to have served her in this way, and to see the paperwork drawing to a close.

Also, I forged through the time and energy demands, physical and emotional, to clean out her apartment. On the up side, that motivates me to clean out my own possessions. There is no time when that will be easier than now.

Back to the Blog

So I took the time I needed to finish tasks, feel the emotions, and process this season of life. I stepped away from my blog. Now I’m happy to be back with lots to share. I hope you find helpful, hopeful, and at times humorous posts along the way, and come back often. It is good to be together again.

Stay charming, my friends!

Stay Charming – A Tribute

Posted on by

Once I arrived in a certain stage of life, I became more aware of good-byes, loss, and endings.

Friends and family.

Favorite TV shows and pets.

Expectations and jobs.

Seasons and health.

Friendships and empty nesting.

Circumstances and dreams.

Is there such a thing? Maybe.

Although most of us don’t like change, it keeps coming our way, and intentionally doing change well is important. Loss is one of the most disruptive changes we experience and has its own set of rules. This will be a topic that we will return to again in the future. We can create space to continue to process loss and grow through it, when possible.

These seasons and events need different things at different times, including respect, honor, letting go, grief, forgiveness, and loving well, all continuous opportunities for growth in hard times. I will write about other situations, the challenges, and responses. We will connect over shared experiences. We will find hope and encouragement along the way, for this is a real dynamic of growing older. It gets complicated to move through the pain and get centered once again.

When I was in high school, I met Susan. We attended the same high school in a town of about seven high schools. I was a year older. She was a kindred spirit in faith and fun. We studied the Bible together with a handful of other young women, a meaningful time of connection and encouragement.

After we both graduated and I moved out-of-town, we drifted apart, but communicated now and then through notes, visits, calls, and then Facebook in more recent years. Did I mention she was an avid Cleveland Indians baseball fan?

Beloved, beautiful Susan

In 2015, she passed away. She headed to Heaven after a second bout with cancer. Her smile, wit, and intelligent caring conversation style stay with me. During her last days here and shortly afterwards, I experienced feeling that I wish I could have done more, along with sadness and grief. Yet I continue to be profoundly grateful for our friendship.

I read that she’d always sign cards and notes to her nieces and nephews with the phrase, “Your charming Aunt Susan.” In honor of our dear friendship, I close most blog posts with a nod to her, signing out with “stay charming, my friends.” That always makes me smile as I carry her loving friendship in my heart.

You have also probably lost dear friends or family too soon through disease, tragic accident, or perhaps a severe disagreement or need for emotional and/or physical safety. Those are dark times riddled with so many thoughts and emotions. With the missing, comes the remembering of good in our lives gifted to us in time spent with them or hope for what might have been. If you’d like to share something you do to cherish the relationship in your own way, please do so in the comments.

"Life is made up of meetings and partings; that is the way of it. I am sure we shall never forget Tiny Tim, or this first parting that there was among us." – Bob Crachit, The Muppets' Christmas Carol

Stay charming, my friends! Just like Aunt Susan.